Anna Hansdatter: Hunger In the Dale

Chapter 11

In early summer, Anna was sent off to the saeter with two of the other milkmaids. She spent long, long days roaming the pastures, and short nights cramped into a cabin, three girls to a lousy bed. Truly lousy. In the servants’ quarters of the farm, the bedclothes were laundered and the woodwork scrubbed frequently. But the saeter cabins were crude, with dirt floors and limited water for laundry. Just as in the peasants’ huts, lice and other parasites here were endemic.

The lice did not bother Anna so much; she had dealt with them all her life. Of course, she had been glad to be rid of them after moving to the compound, but she tolerated them now, better than the other girls. What Anna loathed was the isolation. She longed for human contact, and there was none, beyond the other milkmaids. After a few weeks, they all knew more about each other than ever they wished to know.

Late at night, during the few hours of semi-darkness, Anna dreamed of Nels. She dreamed he was kissing her over and over, his tongue searching and finding hers, his body over her, pressing, pressing …

Anna awoke to find her face against that of her younger bed-mate, Else. Else’s cheek was wet from Anna’s kisses. The kisses had not awakened her, but she awoke at once when she felt the heat from Anna’s face as she flushed beet-red. Anna sat up quickly, as Else’s eyed opened wide. “Anna! Dear Anna, what’s wrong? Do you have a fever?” she cried.

“Oh … oh,” stammered Anna, bewildered at first. When she realized what had happened, she flushed all the hotter, and lied, “Ja, I think, maybe … I feel … so hot …” Anna lay down, further from Else, with her head in the open air.

“Dear Lord, the fever in summer! God deliver us!” Else climbed out of bed and got on her knees to pray, which woke up Sophie, the third bedmate.

“What is it?” groaned Sophie, the senior milkmaid of the party, although she was only eighteen.

“O Lord, deliver us from the scourge of the fever! O Jesus, deliver us!” Else prayed. Ever since Else’s parents died of fever, within hours of each other, anyone with symptoms of a fever sent her into a terror. “Oh, Lord Jesus!” she repeated.

“Wait, wait,” said Anna, sitting up again, “I feel better now. It was only a nightmare, and, uh … and my period.”

“For God’s sake, you two, grow up. Get yourself a rag and go back to sleep.”

The other girls gasped..

“Pardon my language,” continued Sophie, “but you have to learn to live with it. Sometimes it keeps you awake at night, but you can still let the rest of us sleep.”

Anna did not hear what Sophie said. Ashamed of her lustful dream, she began to weep. And, it was not really her period, so she had lied besides. Her sobs became louder and louder.

“Oh God, Anna, not again!” fussed Sophie. “Surely I didn’t hurt your feelings so badly, this time?”

“Leave her alone!” shouted Else. “Just leave her alone!” She turned toward Anna, still close to her, and put out her arms. They held each other as Anna wept and wept, soaking the younger girl’s garment with her tears.

= = =

Every two weeks, a wagon came to bring supplies, and to take the cheese and butter the maids had prepared. The maids would pepper the driver with questions about the farm, the other servants, the neighbors. Usually, the drivers would scoff at the girls’ intense curiosity. It became a joke among the teamsters, “Such a hunger for gossip! You’d think a woman would starve to death when she can’t fill herself up every day on other people’s business.”

On the rare occasions when Nels drove the saeter run, he prepared himself by questioning the housemaids for all the latest news that might be in circulation. Even Syne Skurdal, “the Missus,” as he referred to her, confided in Nels. On his days off he visited Skurdalshougen to help tend the potatoes and goats, and always asked for a personal greeting to bring to Anna from her parents. But most days, Nels was kept busy driving the carriage, either on business with Peder Skurdal, or with Syne and the children to visit family on the other farms.

These were the occasions when Syne Skurdal would let slip something scandalous about one of the neighboring farmers or his family, the kind of gossip that was cherished in the servants’ quarters, and all the more so at the saeter.

Once, when the carriage was stopped and the children were relieving themselves (boys on the left, girls on the right), Syne said, “Nels, have you heard what just happened at Kjorstad?”

“No, ma’am,” Nels lied.

“Three servants quit, just like that! Two of them went back to their parents, and one is moving to Ringebu to marry a huusman. Karl Kjorstad is furious. Both sets of parents are his own huusmen, and he’s threatened to evict the lot of them!”

This last part, Nels had not heard, and it was not to his liking. “Evict them? That seems harsh. And please don’t call them ‘his own.’ Even as tenants, they do not ‘belong’ to any one.”

“Of course not, but Karl Kjorstad owns the land. So, if they break their contract, he can drive them off it.”

“Even if they starve?”

“As you said yourself, Kjorstad does not own them. He is not responsible.”

Nels took a deep breath before responding. Luckily, before he could speak, the children had returned to the carriage and Syne stepped in behind them. She called over her shoulder, “Let’s go.”

“Yes, ma’am,” said Nels, and climbed to the driver’s seat, fuming. This much he knew: One of the servant girls was about fifteen years old. She showed up one night at Lower Skurdal, badly beaten, her clothes torn, half-crazy. When they asked her what happened, she refused to tell them. They nursed her for a few days, then took her back to her parents’ hut, but she refused to go near the farm compound; in fact she grew hysterical at the idea of returning there.

Karl Kjorstad already had a reputation for abusing his servant girls. More than one of them had borne children that were widely believed to be his, although they were always christened as unwed offspring of the girl and some unlucky peasant boy or other.

Nels did not know what happened after the girl was sent back to Kjorstad: When the master knocked at the door of her parents’ hut, the girl began screaming and tearing at herself. “Oh, come on, girl, get hold of yourself. I only wanted to apologize.” he said, but she would not be calmed.

The parents threatened Kjorstad and ordered him away. As he left, he said, “Your contract on this land stipulates that your rent be paid in labor, rendered at my convenience. You are in violation of that contract. Think about it.”

Two days after the outing with Syne and the children, Nels was sent on the wagon run to the saeter. It was a long day’s drive; he arrived in the late evening, after the maids had returned to the cabin. They dined on wheat bread and vegetables Nels brought from the farm, and fresh butter and cheese made at the cabin. As always, the girls pressed for the latest gossip from the valley, and unlike the other drivers, Nels was ready to accommodate them.

The girls were scandalized at the report from Kjorstad, but hardly surprised. “Karl Kjorstad is a monster” said Sophie. “I’ve always known it. He should be thrown into prison.”

“As he would be, if he were a poor man,” said Nels.

Anna was as appalled as the others, and even more concerned. “What is the girl’s name?” she asked. “Is it Marta?”

“I’m not sure if I heard her name … yes, I think maybe it was Marta.”

Anna grew pale and her hands began to tremble. Marta Johnsdatter of Kjorstad was one of her dearest friends. They had been practically inseparable during confirmation class, where they studied together, confiding in each other and sharing their dreams of marriage and motherhood. They each picked out a boy from the boys’ class as their fantasy mate, and wove elaborate tales of home and family. It was during their training, only a few months apart, that both girls had their first menstrual period; this shared experience drew them closer yet.

“Anna, what’s wrong?” asked Sophie. “You look like you have seen a ghost.”

Anna was on the verge of tears, but pulled herself together. “I’m all right,” she said. “It’s just that Marta is a close friend. I hope she will be all right.”

Nels slept under the wagon that night. It was chilly in the high meadows, but he had two blankets and his new elkskin driving coat to keep him comfortable. Sophie and Else stayed awake for a long time, talking over the latest gossip, and adding their own embellishments. Anne waited impatiently for the two to fall asleep; when they did, she quietly stole to the wagon. She could hear Nels snoring, and quietly sat down beside him.

Sensing her presence, Nels opened his eyes. “Mmm?” he mumbled, then smiled as he recognized her. “Well now,” he yawned.

“Shh, don’t wake the other girls,” Anna whispered.

Nels sat up and reached out for her hand. When she took it, he pulled her towards him. Off-balance, she gasped as she fell into his arms. “Nels, no!”

“Your words whisper ‘no,’ but your body cries ‘yes, yes, yes.’”

Anna knew it was true, but her changing body, and this sinful desire bewildered and terrified her. “I am not ready to be a woman, to be a mother, much less to shame my family. We have to wait three years. Oh God, how can we wait so long? Oh, Nels …” Only then did she realize she was whispering to Nels instead of silently thinking. She buried her face on Nels’ shoulder and wept silently.

“It’s all right, don’t cry,” he whispered.

Anna looked at him through teary eyes. He smiled. She put her arms around him and kissed him, long and tenderly. Then she pushed herself away and said, “I have to go now.”

“It’s all right,” he repeated. “Will you at least talk to me when I see you?”

“Not alone. I can’t. Nels, now you know how much I want you, but don’t you see it will ruin us? It will ruin everything!”

“You can trust me,” he said.

“It’s me I can’t trust!” With that she turned and stole back into the cabin.

= = =

A few days later, Anna was tending the goats in the far meadow, next to a small lake. In the distance, to the south, she heard unfamiliar cowbells. Soon, two cows appeared over a low ridge, slowly grazing in Anna’s direction. Not far behind the cows strolled two boys about Anna’s age.

When she saw the boys, Anna stood up and waved to them. “Hallo!” she shouted. The boys ran toward her. Anna was pleased to have some new people to talk to. But as the boys got closer, they did not look friendly. Their eyes were wild, their clothes torn and filthy. They stopped a few feet away. The goats, already nervous at the scent of strange livestock in the distance, shied away when the boys began to speak.

“Well now,” said the first boy, a tall, awkward youth with crooked teeth and freckles, “Look here, brother, we have found an interloper. And a girl at that!”

“What do you mean?” Anna said. “This is open land, grazed by the Skurdal farm every summer.”

“And we say it belongs to us,” said the other boy, who was shorter, with dark greasy hair and green eyes. “Right, Thor?”

“Right,” said the tall boy, his red hair flying wildly in the breeze.

“It doesn’t belong to anybody.”

“But we’ll rent it to you,” said Thor, inching closer to her.

“Rent it? What …”

He seized her arms and pulled her to him. “Just a little kiss,” he snickered. His breath smelled stale and foul.

“No! Let go!” Anna cried, and wrenched herself from his grasp.

“Uff da, she’s a strong little she-wolf. Hold her, Knut.” The other boy grabbed her from behind, locking her arms behind her back with one of his arms. With the other hand, he reached in front of her and pulled open her frock. Anna screamed, but she knew no one would hear. Knut groped at her breasts as she writhed in vain.

Thor moved in again. “Well now,” he grinned, showing his crooked teeth, “about that kiss …” Fumbling with his trousers, he forced a kiss on her. She bit his lip, drawing a few drops of blood. “Ow! Bitch!” He slapped her face, hard. Anna passed out.

When she came to – it seemed like only a few seconds had passed – Anna was lying on the ground, alone. When she sat up, she saw the two boys, running across the meadow toward their cows. The cows had turned around, and were walking away. On the far ridge was the silhouette of a man. She could hear him calling the cows.

It took Anna a moment to recall what had happened. When she did, she felt the pain. There were bruises on her arms and breasts, and a hot stinging on her cheek. She pulled her frock closed and looked at it. It was not torn, except for the cords that held it shut. There were a few specks of blood on the front. She checked her body more carefully. There were pains everywhere, but no bleeding, and no serious injury, as best she could tell.

Thor’s blood, the filthy young beast! What had he done to her? His blood was on her clothes, but was his seed in her body? Would she now bear a child, not the child of her all-but-promised mate, but of a strange and vile boy of the mountains? A wave of jumbled emotions overwhelmed her. She felt helpless rage at having been so violated. She despaired of finding a sympathetic soul to tell of her trouble. It could not be the other milkmaids; they were too shallow and naive. Besides, she could not reveal to them such a shameful secret, and then have to live with them, year-in and year-out. Her parents? No, never. And Nels, oh God, not Nels! He must never, ever, know of this tragic mishap. But of course, he would know soon enough, as her belly swelled. Anna wept in grief and confusion.

After a while, she remembered her goats. She leapt to her feet and looked in all directions. The animals were nowhere to be seen or heard. She ran to a high ridge, with a view of two nearby meadows. Both were empty and silent. There was one other meadow they might have strayed to. Anna ran nearly a mile to its head, but it was also deserted. Grey clouds formed overhead, and a cold rain began to fall, mixed with a few snowflakes. Anna followed the ridge-line south to the next drainage. There, grazing in the upper meadow, she saw the two cows. She crouched, turned quickly, and ran back to the lake.

It was now about two hours before midnight; the clouds had dispersed, and the sun was setting. Anna sat down. She was breathing hard, and sweat covered her body. Never before had she been so sweaty; the feeling was strange and disturbing. Her clothes were wet from both sweat and rain. By the time her breathing had recovered, she was shivering in the chill breeze. She could no longer feel the bruises and scratches. For a moment, she almost forgot the shivering, and felt at rest … peaceful … and sleepy, so sleepy …

= = =

“Anna! Anna!” the voice sounded distant, as in a dream.

“What?” Anna muttered.

“Anna! Ann-naahh!”

“What?” she said, louder. She opened her eyes, but the twilight was nearly gone. She could barely see the trees a few meters away.

After a pause, the voice sounded a little closer, but still dreamlike, “Anna? Is that you?”

“Ja.”

“Anna,” cried the voice, “dear Anna, keep talking! I can’t see you yet.”

“Over here!”

“Now I see you! What happened? Are you all right?” The younger girl ran to her.

“Else?” Anna tried to stand up, but could not. Her body was trembling from head to toe. Still, she managed a lie, “I fell.”

“Dear Anna, let me help you. My God, you are freezing. And you’re hurt! Oh, Anna, Anna, can you get up?” Else put an arm around her friend to help her up, lost her own balance, and they both fell.

“Leave me alone. I’m sleepy.”

“No, Anna, you’ll die! Wake up! Please, dear Anna, wake up!” Else scrambled to her feet, “I can’t let you die. Oh, dear Jesus, don’t let her die!” She took off her jacket. “Here, put this on. Come on, Anna, we’ve got to get to the house.”

“I lost the goats.”

“They came home hours ago. We were so worried about you.” Then she turned and shouted, “Sophie! Sooo-phieee!”

“Ja, ja,” came the reply.

“I found her! Over here!” Else turned back to her friend. “Come on, Anna, please get up. Give me your hand.”

Anna reached out shakily for the younger girl’s hand. This time, she made it to her feet, but she was still very wobbly. “Sleepy …” she said again.

“No, Anna, no! Don’t go to sleep, you’ll freeze. We’ve got to walk home. Now.”

“It’s too dark.”

“We have to anyway.”

“Where are you two?” came Sophie’s voice. “Talk louder.”

“Over here, hurry!” said Else.

At first, Anna could only walk with the help of both the other girls. She became stronger after a while, but still needed help from one of them. It was slow going in the near-darkness. Later, a crescent moon came up, helping them see their way a little better. By the time they reached the cabins, morning twilight was breaking. They all entered the cabin; Sophie made a fire.

In the candlelight, they could see the mark on Anna’s face. Only Sophie recognized that its shape resembled a man’s hand. She guessed the truth, but said nothing.

Anna was ready with her story. “I fell on the rocks above the lake. I was unconscious for a while, and when I came to, the goats were gone. I looked and looked for them. When I sat down to rest, I got cold …”

“You were freezing to death,” Else interrupted. “You would have died if we hadn’t found you.”

Anna wondered if that might have been better.

“Well,” said Sophie, “you two go to bed. I’ll keep all the animals here until you get up. Then I’ll take some rest.”

Else fell asleep immediately, while Anna lay awake, confused and terrified of the future.

= = =

For the remaining weeks of the summer season, Anna brooded almost constantly. She was thankful that Nels did not come to the saeter again, fearful that their future together was ruined by her encounter with the strange boys, and sick with worry, never doubting that she was with child. Her dreams of sexual desire became warped and ominous. Again and again, she dreamed of herself in Nels’ arms, of his tender yet passionate kisses. They would begin to make love, but suddenly it became Thor on top of her, with his crooked teeth, his foul breath, filthy clothes, and cruel, sadistic laugh. She would awake in a cold sweat, trying not to wake her bedmates, but terrified of going back to sleep. If she did, in the next dream, she invariably gave birth to an ugly boy-child, with wild red hair, crooked teeth, and foul breath.

When the milkmaids returned to Skurdal with the cows and goats, Anna was given a few days off to stay with her parents at Skurdalshougen. On the second day, telling no one of her plan, she walked to Kjorstad to see her dear friend Marta, the only person she could tell of her terrible predicament. From what Nels had told the girls at the saeter, Anna knew that Marta would understand. Maybe Anna could provide her friend some comfort in return.

Knocking at the door of Marta’s hut, Anna felt a vague sense of foreboding. When Marta’s father, the widower John Knutsen, opened the door, a chill seemed to fill the air. “Is Marta here?” she asked.

“Marta is dead.”

Anna went pale and gasped for breath, “Oh, no!”

“She hanged herself. We buried her on Tuesday.”

“Oh, dear God!” Anna’s knees began to shake. She reached for the door frame to steady herself.

“Come in,” said Hans.

Anna sat for a while with John and his two young sons. Apart from some condolences, there was little conversation.

“Will you be leaving Kjorstad?” she asked.

“Ja, ja. Karl is no longer threatening to evict us, but how could we stay after this? I don’t know where we can go. I have been inquiring at a different farm every day, but so far, nothing. The boys are too young to work on their own. Anyway, we could not bear to be separated at such a time.”

“I heard there is a huusmansplass opening up at Middle Skurdal,” Anna offered.

“It is already spoken for. There are too many people in the Dale now, and not enough land.”

“Could you trade places with someone?”

“Who would want to come here and work for Karl Kjorstad?”

Changing the subject, Anna said, “I am sorry I wasn’t here for the burial.”

“There is something else,” said John Knutsen, “She was with child. She told us so before she died.”

Too stunned to cry, Anna shook her head, averting her eyes from theirs.

Anna took her leave, still feeling numb, her pain too deep to comprehend. She walked slowly to the main road, with no destination in mind. When she crossed the footbridge into Lower Skurdal, she saw Berit Simonsdatter washing clothes in the stream. “Berit! Hello!” she cried.

“Hello, Anna.” Berit stood and offered the girl a friendly embrace. Instead, Anna threw herself into her arms and wept. “Anna, dear Anna, it’s all right,” she rocked her gently. “Come over here and sit down.”

Anna stammered, “I … I …” but only sobs would come.

They sat down, with their arms still around each other.”It’s all right,” Berit repeated. “Would you like some water?”

Anna nodded, still sobbing.

Berit stood and walked upstream a few steps to fill a drinking cup. “Here you are.” She sat down again. “Tell me what it is.”

Anna sipped the water and struggled, “Mar … Marta …” she managed between sobs.

“Yes, dear, such a tragedy. Take your time, Anna.”

Gradually, the girl’s sobs subsided. “Ja, it is Marta …”

Berit studied her face. “Ja, but there is more, isn’t there? Is it yourself, too?”

Anna nearly lost control again, but managed to only blink hard and nod guiltily.

“I’m finished here,” Berit lied. “Come to my house.” She picked up the wet laundry and led the way to her hut, on the outskirts of the Lower Skurdal compound.

Once inside, Berit brewed tea as Anna began her story. “At the saeter, a boy … an ugly boy … forced me.” She told of her encounter in the mountains. “Can you take the child from me?”

“It would be very painful, and dangerous, especially for a girl so young as you. How do you know you are with child?”

“I just know. And I dream about it, over and over.”

“Did the boy – you know – get – inside you?” Both Berit and Anna scrupulously avoided saying things like “sex dreams,” or “intercourse,” because each of them thought the other would be offended by such explicit language.

“I don’t know, I was unconscious.”

“So, while you were conscious, he didn’t?”

“I don’t think so …” She remembered her nightmares, and struggled to separate them from reality. “But … it happened so fast … I don’t know, I just don’t know.” She choked back a sob.

“All right, but afterwards. Think, Anna. Stay calm and think carefully. When you came to, were you bleeding, like at your period?”

“No … no, I don’t think so.”

“Was there pain, in, you know, that area?”

“It hurt everywhere.”

“Have you had a period since then?”

“No.”

“How long has it been?”

“Three weeks.”

“Anna …” Berit hesitated. “Anna, I need to look at you – at your – you know, just as if you were giving birth. Is that all right?”

Anna gulped and nodded.

“Lie on the bed, here.” She examined the girl’s genitals, then told her to sit up. “Anna, you are still a virgin. You can not be with child.”

Anna could not believe her ears. “Are you sure?”

“Quite sure.”

Once again, Anna threw her arms around the midwife in a tearful embrace, this time with tears of relief. But second thoughts quickly came to her. “That boy was so evil, so filthy and rough! And yet my dreams …”

“Shh … you must tell me about them later.”

“But Nels …”

“Nels does not need to know. But you must suffer it, and be strong. You were violently attacked; you suffered more than pain. Thank God your body was not injured. Yet your heart must heal. The dreams will run their course.”

“But Berit,” Anna interrupted, “I was dreaming things like that before this … happened. I dreamed a man was – you know – inside me. And … and … well,” she was ashamed to say it, “I … I …”

“You liked it?”

Anna was flabbergasted. “How did you know?”

“Every woman dreams those dreams. Some women admit it, but most do not. But Anna, at the right time, with the right man, some women really do like it.”

“Really?” Anna could hardly believe her ears. She thought only young girls, who had never experienced it, ever felt even remotely good about sex. The older women she knew either pretended it did not exist, or dropped hints how much they hated it.

“Have some more tea,” said Berit. “It will help to calm you.”